Page Changes

I have decided for my site to merge the process, about and contact pages in to one location. Because Sparkbot is only reflecting my work at this point in time, it makes it easier for visitors to not get confused as to how many people are running the site. Having my about page reflect who I am and what I do right above my contact lets users know who I am before they contact as well as saving site space and time. It also makes sense to include the process page within the about section as it describes the ethos of Sparkbot, centralising everything about the site, me and how I work into the about section.

Also as a side-note, while the about and contact tabs on the nav-bar remain separate, clicking on the contact tab will still take the user to the same page, only it helps to distinguish and highlight an area for communication so that it does not confuse.

gamefreaksnz:

deantrippe:

Barack Obama Looking at Awesome Things #12: Link’s Shield.

Mr Trippe is a photoshop machine.

42 Things Games Designers Should Consider When Developing Their Game.

Kids often ask me, other than how I came to be so awesome, “Osprey, what makes a good game?”. I could shut each one up I come across with a pimp slap and a “Never question my power” sort of line. But then I thought, where would that get me? So, I decided against giving my criminal record something to regret about and went down the more constructive route, I came up with a list. Not just any list, a list to end all lists and in a multiple of 7 fashion, I generated a list of all the things a game needs to be great.

And here it is…

1. Diversity
Diversity is key in a game, why? Because it keeps things interesting and unexpected. If everything was the same, the player will know roughly what’s going to happen next or what to expect in future outcomes and subsequently become bored. Being bored is the opposite intention of a game’s purpose. So when it comes to diversity, games should demonstrate varying elements in environments, gameplay, options, objects and choices the player can make. Diversity keeps things fresh.

2. Identity
A games goal should be to stand out from the crowd, to make a statement, to be different. If a game does pretty much what another game has done before it, but doesn’t add its own spin on things, again, the player is going to be bored; there’s nothing new. Game developers should never blatantly copy-cat, but should feel free to be influenced and improve others ideas with their own. Let gamers enjoy the game for what it is, not what it’s trying to be. After all, we stand on the shoulders of giants.

3. Innovation Is Not Always a Necessity
Sometimes games strive to innovate but end up making a mess of things a a result. It’s the flavor of the dish that counts, and any overdose on additives is going to ruin it. Game developers shouldn’t feel the need to reinvent the wheel, but they can give it NO2.

4. Likable/Relatable/Memorable Characters
Games should give the player someone to admire so that they can bond easier with what’s going on in the game. A character that only frustrates the player is only going to result in a broken controller found either sticking out of the television or snapped in half, thus ruining the games impression on the player as a whole.

5. Make The Player Care
If a player doesn’t care, they’re not going to care about what happens next and if that happens, you’ve lost them for the rest of the game. If they do continue the game, it will be for the sake of completion, not enjoyment or because they care about what’s going to happen next. This kind of impression doesn’t take too kindly to players and they’ll definitely make note of it, not just to themselves, but to others as well.

6. Engaging Story
Grab the player by the balls, from finish to start. When you’re thrown into the action and the awe inspiring unknown, it’s a lasting feeling people never forget.

7. Immersive Atmosphere and Backstory
Games should transport the player to another world filled with rich history for them to learn throughout their play-through. This helps influence the decisions of the characters involved and determine the outcomes of events that are played out. It also gives a game convincing properties so they’ll want to revisit time and time again.

Gears of War 2 is a good demonstration in variable environments and sequences

8. Intuitive Controls
Controls must always feel natural and must never conflict with other controls. When a gamer picks up a controller they should be comfortable, relaxed and should pick up the controls almost as if it’s second nature to them.

9. Beautiful Graphics
Give the player something to gape at and bathe in. Also, good graphics are also a good selling point to get gamers interested in the game.

10. Leniency/Flexibility/Malleability
Games should let the player choose his/her course within the parameters of what the game allows. Give them options to do what they want to do. This adds freedom, making the player feel less constrained and limited in what they can do. In saying this, games should never suggest actions that make the player wish they could do something that they can’t, otherwise they see the walls of which the game world is held in.

11. Level Design that Subconsciously Leads The Player
Levels shouldn’t force the player to go somewhere, but rather the should player learn where to go themselves. This gives them a sense of satisfaction. By all means, games should give gamers the options and different means to go anywhere within the flow of the level, but should never feel forced.

12. Lasting Impressions
Themes that are learned and realized or impressionable actions made by characters can leave players in a state of amazement or bewilderment. Games should take word of mouth into consideration, when you make an impression on a gamer. They are going to talk about it and the more it’s talked about the more noticed the game becomes; it should be made sure the game is talked about all the right things. In any industry, customer satisfaction should always be important.

13. Be a Player’s Subconscious
Games should never force a player to do anything they don’t want to do, lead them to the outcome the game and the player both want.

14. Never Frustrate
As soon as a player becomes constantly frustrated, the game will fail and the player will not want to continue.

If it weren’t for Call of Duty 4’s deep rewards system, it’s online multiplayer component wouldn’t be as nearly as compelling as it is.

15. Never Bore
A boring game will be shelved in seconds. It goes against everything a game stands for so why should a gamer stand for a boring game?

16. Enjoyment
Make everything enjoyable – EVERYTHING. Games were made for the enjoyment of others, games should never deter from this tradition, or a consequent lynching will apply.

17. Keep It Simple
A game should never confuse the player with anything over-the-top to impress them, let it be natural and the game wont seem like such a try hard and the game will come out better off.

18. Work Everything Together
Every element in the game has to work with each other to produce the result the player wants. Everything hinges on everything else in the game’s system and as soon as one aspect of the whole system buckles, the entire game is going to collapse.

19. Story and Gameplay Go Hand in Hand
A good game will let the gameplay tell the story and the story play the game.

20. Restrictions/Constraints Are Good
If there are none, the game can get out of hand or become too easy. But in that, too many constraints can destroy a game just as easily. A balance must be found, and that is key to successful gameplay.

21. Be Reasonable, Be Fair
A player should never feel cheated, be fair. A gaming world is the only place where outcomes are fair, that’s why we love to visit them! Without doing this will only piss the poor guy off. And we all know what happens when a gamer gets pissed off.

Halo: Combat Evolved inspired a generation of FPS’s on the consoles with its balance on all fronts, including fun.

22. Provide a Challenge
An easy game is a boring game and a quick game. Not just in play-through length, but in attention span as well.

23. Replayability
Give the player reason to come back, not just for multiplayer. Game developers should make the player feel like they’re getting their money’s worth. If a player is going to pay the $60 USD standard for a game they’d better feel like they’ve made a good buy, or you can kiss future profits and customer satisfaction good bye.

24. Personalization
Games should make the player feel at home with the freedom of expression and the option to present themselves in anyway they want. This is more of an online thing.

25. Player Comes First
Never forget about the player or forget about your game. The player must be thought about in all aspects of development when decision making, because if he/she isn’t, it’s likely to show through in the out come of the game. Leaving the player out will leave the disc out of the tray.

26. Reward the Player, Never Punish
In any accomplishment, gamers like to show off. Us gamers are the egotistical type, tough on different levels. Games should make players feel like they’ve achieved something and make them proud of themselves.

27. It’s Called Interactive Entertainment for a Reason
Interaction with the player will entertain and get ideas across. It has always been easiest way to help others learn through example in how to play the game and in learning thematic issues. It’s what makes the narrative of gaming so unique and powerful, because games are able to interact directly with the player.

28. Balance
Balance is the combination of everything coming together and overall creating fair outcomes and options towards gameplay. It’s what makes everything about games enjoyable and challenging, if done right. It’s the means of baking the perfect cake, and the cake of perfect gameplay balancing is delicious and moist.

Fallout’s immersive backstory and environment provide a living breathing and destroyed world to explore.

29. A Game Doesn’t Have To Appeal To Everyone
A good game developer will have sorted out the target market and selected choices to appeal to that one type of gamer. Any attempt to do more than what is asked will cause the entire thing to topple over and fall apart.

30. Easy To Pick Up
Games don’t need a steep learning curve to be complex, because this is where player’s get lost and confused, and therefore don’t have the motivation to carry on. They should never be thrown into the deep end, they should always use the stairs. Games should always give players the stairs to getting started.

31. Coherency
Everything that’s in a game has to make sense and work well and not feel awkward to the player. Otherwise, if anything does not work, it will stick out like a pimple would on Jessica Alba’s face and forever remain a thorn in the balls of the player.

32. The Devil Is In The Detail
Nobody trips over a mountain. All the small things count and must be done to provide…

33. Consistency
The quality of the game must be kept consistent throughout, one fuck-up and that’s it, the player will remember it indefinitely. If a game’s presentation wavers in and out from good and bad throughout the game it demonstrates a lack of care, if that’s so, why should a gamer care about the game?

34. Believability, Not Realism
The worlds you play in games should be plausible in relation to the games setting. The idea is: “if it were real, this could happen.” Games shouldn’t try and make it real as it can as it often gets compared to reality and can take away the fun.

35. Feel Natural, Not Forced
The minute a game tries to make something more awesome than it actually is or tries to be cool or badass, it comes off as a try-hard and the end result is worse than intended. The developer loses a player’s respect, and the developer looks like a twat.

Bioshock’s rich story elements rise it above and beyond most entires this current generation.

36. Don’t Take the Controller Away From the Gamer
The minute the control of the player is taken away from them, makes them feel disadvantaged and consequently makes the game unfair. In saying this…

37. Where There’s an Action, There’s a Reaction
To every action there is a reaction. If you are a physicist, you’d understand that. Game developers should understand that too, and the creation of good gameplay is reflection of their understanding. So if anything is to be done unto the player, the player must have the ability to fight back. It’s science.

38. Length is Important
Games should give the player as much time in the world he/she is in with as many new things as possible to keep it interesting throughout. If a player feels the game has ended before they’ve gotten started, that’s when they feel ripped off, which leads to pissed off gamer, which leads to… you know the drill.

39. Repetitiveness Kills a Title
When a player feels like they’ve been doing the same thing over and over again, that’s when the player becomes bored, and that’s when the disc comes out of the tray and never gets put back in. Monotony is the cheap cover up for lack of creativity, and everyone will see through it.

40. No Backtracking
Revisiting the same area over and over again in the same light as previously adventured, mounts up on the monotony factor, the boring factor, the lack of diversity factor, the frustrating factor and any other factor a game shouldn’t be associated with. Backtracking should only ever be optional, brief or lead the means of a players intent to a conclusion.

41. A Seamless UI
A scrappy user interface is a useless user interface. The menus are there to help the player get to where he/she wants to go and make obscure things noticeable. A game should make everything it has available to the player known through the menus.

42. Presentation is the First Step to Getting Into the Game
Keep it clean, a game shouldn’t mess around and put more in than it needs to. Everything from the art-style of the game to the box art, the menus and the UI has to be kept clean. To show dedication to the title and leave a lasting impression of the game before and after start up, the time at which a player picks up the case in a store is where the most important impression the game must fulfill. For it is in the game store where game interaction starts. In the book world you can’t judge a book by its cover. Games? They’re different and a lot more expensive than a book, both to the player and the publisher.

Overall, this list compiles everything I believe a game needs to excell past expectations. If I were to make a game I’d be doing a checklist from this.

Anything I may have missed or shouldn’t be in there dear readers of mine? No? Gooood…

gamefreaksnz:

thedrunkenmoogle:

Revolver Ocelot (Metal Gear Solid shots)

Ingredients:

1 1/2 shot Vodka
1 1/2 shot Wild Turkey American Honey
3 shots Sprite

Directions: Pour half a shot of vodka into three shot glasses.  Do the same with the American Honey.  Top each with half a shot of Sprite.  To drink, do all six shots quickly in succession, as if emptying a revolver.  Alternate between shots of the vodka and American Honey for the best effect.  

This is a man’s drink.  Though Sprite is added to the top of each shot, fear not, you’ll still taste the alcohol.  And it tastes good.  The vodka represents the Russian in Ocelot and the American Honey, the American.  

“I love to reload during a battle!  There’s nothing like the feeling of slamming a long silver bullet into a well greased chamber.” -Revolver Ocelot

Drink created and photographed by The Drunken Moogle.

Why MTV Shouldn’t Start Designing Games Anytime Soon

I wrote in response to this article on MTV about the recently revealed Halo: Reach “Player Investment System”. Basically he goes on about how it won’t have the same carrot and stick effect of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, so I remind him about brand identity, what games are about and how the use of excessive accumulation of experience points and forgetting about the gaming experience is bad for gaming.

“I think you’re missing the point to which we play games for and it’s a view I share with industry leaders such as David Jaffe and the like and I wouldn’t be surprised if others felt the same way as well.

The point of Halo is to play that extra hour or “one more game” for the purpose of fun alone, the gameplay is strong enough to pull people into playing long hours because it’s addictive. I don’t see the point in playing a game for the sake of gaining experience and to get that one gun that I don’t have but everyone else does. That’s not fun to me, in MW2, having to trudge through hours of the same repetitive gameplay (point, shoot, die, repeat) to go up against unfair odds only to get the guns I want and find nothing else to do but do it all over again, it loses it’s lustre after a while.

I don’t think that mentality applies to Halo players. You want to unlock guns, equipment etc. go play a game that caters to that need. If I want a fun game with variety in the play styles of the individual and the gameplay itself and be rewarded by having a fun experience, I’ll play Halo.

Credits are just the icing on the cake, and what I think Bungie are going for in Reach is to reward players by showing off their achievements, hence the baseball card or QB ratings style of player profiles the Arena playlist creates for matchmaking, hence the rewards and medals that are shown on your profile that reflect your play style.

There’s nothing stopping Bungie from implementing gametypes where you get to pick your own gear. Hell, if you’d watched the MP trailer you would have seen loadouts mentioned. The main focus for Halo: Reach is to remain true to the Halo formula while bringing in totally new things that don’t destroy what makes Halo, Halo; balance, variety, fun - which is has always been determined by the gameplay.

As long as they fit and don’t tamper with what’s been established, new ideas can be as radical as Bungie wishes, but what you describe upsets that establishment. The way I see it, credits add that artificial layer of progress but caters to the casual dabblers in multiplayer as well as the hardcore and rewarding both with their own unique look as well as play style that can help to coordinate more effective teams in games and greater socialisation.

Because that’s another thing about Halo that I keep coming back to, regardless to how many extra titles that come out that require my attention. The social aspect of Halo has yet to be matched by any other AAA shooter out there and with what I have seen so far, they will continue to excel in this, IMO, adding a custom content browser in-game (which is what it sounds like they’re doing) of the likes of YouTube crossed with LittleBigPlanet will only make them harder to beat.

The labour of love that Bungie keeps between it and the community only makes the bond stronger. Their constant support and response to feedback is only matched by whom I’d call industry leaders like BioWare and Valve. Halo 3 won an award for interactive innovation not because it was different in how it played, but because of the different ways it connected people than anyone else. Shared films, screenshots, machinima, they are what keep the community alive and Bungie knows this and that’s why they’re so strong with their community.

Sharing memories allows you to remember the fun you had and to keep playing because you don’t know what to expect and you play extra hours in an attempt to achieve that same level of fun that you or some one else you saw had, and talk about it and laugh about and yell about it with friends.

That’s what Halo is about, and that’s what Bungie is focusing on in the multiplayer, heightening the social aspect for the hardcore and casual and creating as many fresh experiences as they can by varying the gameplay as much as they can.

Why else would Halo 3 be still popular today constantly alternating between the number one and two spot on the Xbox Live charts nearly two and half years after its release?

MW2 is the “macho” equivalent to Farmville and it’s not making the industry or the players any better for it.”

Bioshock Review: Little Girls, Possessed Divers Suits and The Italian Mafia.

Over-the-top branding, cheesy smiles and hearty classical music. There’s something about revisiting the 40’s that still remains out of this world. Be it their belief in what today’s society would have been like or their taste in clothing, game developers seem fascinated with the retro look it provides. From the origin of the personal robot to the conceptualisation of a 50ft woman, the 40’s was where all the cool kids with the greasy hair were at. So it seems only fitting to revisit a time where ideas ranged from the plausible to the ridiculous and that anyone can make anything awesome. Bioshock is no different than any other game based in times of such lunacy. Since when, in any other time period, can a gargantuan possessed diving suit with a drill of all things attached to his hand that moans like a whale be plausible? Only in the 40’s of course.

It’s as if developers’ have an idea, but are not entirely sure what time period it should fit in. It can’t be in the present because we know what the present is like and what could be plausible. It can’t be in the future because it wouldn’t make sense to use something as encumbering as steel to use as a suit. “Just chuck it in the 40’s” some smart arse will say, because we all know what happened in the 40’s right? Wrong. There’s actually quite a bit we don’t know about the 40’s. I mean look at Wolfenstein, I never knew Hitler had chainguns for hands! It’s amazing what we can learn in games nowadays. Our history is rich with mysteries and if we don’t know what happened, why not invent the answers? Which adds a whole lot more depth than you’d think. No one knows what Nazi scientists were working on back in the day, so why not tell an interpretation of events with Wolfenstein? There’s nothing wrong with retelling history, plus, it’s more imaginative and restricting and if done well it creates an immersive experience. Which is why Bioshock is an interactive masterpiece.

So lets run a check list shall we? Bioshock, what gives it it’s unique feel? An underwater city to challenge Atlantis for the “Best City in the Atlantic” title? Check. Possessed diving suits and possessed little girls? Check. The Italian Mafia? Check. Yep, we’re in the 40’s. Although Bioshock is set in the 60’s, the underwater city of Rapture, built by the revolutionary Andrew Ryan, is locked in the 40’s. Created with the idea of housing the perfect society, a Utopia secluded beneath the waves, with a perfect society there’s always an asshole trying to ruin it; be it human nature or the Italian Mafia. Rapture was not only the conceptualised “perfect” society, but also the most unbound where “the artist need not fear the censor” and “the scientist need not fear petty morality”.

So you can imagine with all this freedom, everything is pretty much destined to go to hell, but with style. The city runs on a substance called ADAM which has the power to alter the DNA of a subject so that they may fire lightning out of their hands for example, or anything else of the sort, depending on how smart you are and what you want to do with it. With the great power ADAM gives, comes great responsibility and with human nature, you can pretty much guarantee that lessons in responsibility will be ignored. The more ADAM you use, the more dependant upon it you become and with this dependancy you have one hell of a market. This is where the Italian Mafia come in and with the Mafia you can guarantee a power struggle. It’s funny when you look at Bioshock’s setup from this angle; all you need to do is change the word ADAM to heroin, then the whole thing looks like an underwater drug war story – which it kind of is. By the time the character you play as arrives at Rapture, all your left with is the remnants of the conflict that existed before and the beauty of the ideals and the decay that now covers the city for you to indulge in.

Sure I could go into detail about everything that goes on in Bioshock, but either you already know what I’m talking about or you don’t but wish to experience it for yourself, which is how Bioshock is best experienced. Bioshock shouldn’t be known from hearing about it by some guy who thinks he knows what he’s talking about, but from playing through the game; because it’s when you do play through Bioshock that you can experience the masterpiece for yourself. No one can tell you how good it is, you need to play it.

Many would say that what makes Bioshock so amazing is the story. Nay says I. It’s the way in which it is told that makes it a marvel. If it weren’t for the load of diaries left by the residents of Rapture to help explain the workings of the city and how they crumbled, Bioshock would not be nearly as much of the narrative spectacle it is. It provides so many layers to the narrative that when ultimately the twist of the story slaps you in the face, you can’t help but relish in it as all the layers are brought together. Listening to the way people thought under the influence of Rapture’s society really does make it feel as if the city exists, and allows you to sympathise with the characters you meet in the game.

The environments add to the effect of a failed Utopia as well. The entire city feels heavy under the water that surrounds it and seeing the contrast between the beauty and the decay makes the city feel as if it’s falling apart as it is so often suggested. The entire atmosphere is generated by all the small things that sucks you into the whole experience. Watching the residents leftover from the civil war that occurred act in crazed and maniacal ways as they scavenge for scraps leaves you with an optimistic outlook, not just Rapture, but the world as a whole. How can society fall to such levels? How can people be so manipulated? What changes a man to the point of being crazed and psychotic? What lengths will people go to, to get what they want? Through the way a player can breathe in Rapture, the outcome is that Bioshock becomes its own world for the player to experience, bringing with it the themes that can be subconsciously learned. The fact that a game can tap in to this narrative spectrum and push the boundaries in what games are capable of when it comes to telling stories, it brings hope and standards to the media and can strike a chord with the player it’s engaging with.

Bioshock doesn’t really question your morals too much but rather lets you view a society where there are none and how life can’t be preserved. To produce ADAM naturally was financially unwise, so to produce it more rapidly it had to be grown inside infant females for some reason. To protect these “Little Sisters” from the dangers of Rapture’s society, they’re accompanied by giant bodyguards, encased in diving suits, known as Big Daddies. The Little Sisters can be found wandering around the ruins of Rapture scavenging corpses for left over ADAM.

After killing the Big Daddy that protects her you have a choice as a player: do you harvest the girl of all the ADAM she carries and kill her in the process? Or do you only gather some but save her from her torment and the sole purpose of manufacturing ADAM? So unless you’re a blight on this planet and feel thrilled at the thought of mass murdering little girls for your greater benefit, you’ll save the poor thing. The problem though is, this is the only choice you’re posed with in the entire game, and even then it’s optional. It’s too one sided; of course you’re going to save the girl. But what is really interesting though is watching the way Rapture’s society reacts. Watching a grown man beat the crap out of a little girl with the butt of his Magnum while you’re trapped behind reinforced glass is painful to watch, but that’s Rapture’s society, and it makes you realise how privileged we are that we don’t live in a society like it.

If there’s is anything that stops Bioshock from being “perfect” as a game as a whole it’s the gameplay. While there are some cinematic sequences that are on a par with Half-Life, they’re not as powerful and killing splicers over and over again only entertains so much. Sure there are enough ways of killing people to make Stalin seem sincere, but it starts to get old too quickly and ultimately too easy. If it weren’t for the thrill of some sequences that are thrown in every so often and the compelling story that held you by the balls for the most part of the game, Bioshock wouldn’t have the effect and longevity that it has. Though for $60 USD, I didn’t buy the game day one. Bioshock is a game you can really only play through once, but if you’re so impacted by it, then you will play it again or if you want a challenge, set it to hard difficulty and turn the Vita-Chambers off.

Bioshock is an instant classic for the gaming industry. I’ve never played a game this generation where the narrative has been the main focus and has been pulled off so relentlessly. Though it’s not a game where you feel you have to play a certain sequence again, it’s definitely a game where you feel compelled to play the entire thing over, to relive Rapture, find things you may have missed and get lost in it all.

Killzone 2 Review: Space Nazis, With a Vengeance

If there’s anything to remember the original Killzone by, it’s the glowing red eyes of Space Nazis on the cover of its case. Other than that there’s not much else to remember but a broken shooter with an ambition so big, it was obviously compensating for its minuscule genitals. Once hailed as the “Halo-killer” of the time, Killzone was met with timid reviews, disappointment and so, remained a virgin. A virgin? Is that the appropriate word? Of course it is, as the ideas behind Killzone were bursting with potential untapped, ready to be exploited and destined to become Sony’s plaything.

Cue E3 2005, and what seemed to be a CG trailer is told to be actual gameplay. The PlayStation 3 hadn’t been released yet, but that didn’t stop the tsunami that was Killzone 2, filled with anticipation and more Space Nazis, crashing into the world of fanboys and gamers alike (notice how fanboys aren’t actually gamers). Since then, arguments have erupted from the seams of forums, and the internet finally had at least one thing that was most viewed upon other than porn.

Now it’s 2009, and Killzone 2 has arrived and optometrists are having a ball. Why? Because people are having trouble distinguishing the difference between the original CG trailer and the actual gameplay because they can’t believe their eyes; and neither can I. Killzone 2 really is nothing short of a spectacle (pun intended). I remember downloading the demo when it was first available and being unable to connect the dots between the thoughts of disbelief that I was actually controlling the game in front of me. I’d played it through it several times before deciding that maybe, first, I should change the control scheme (because the initial setup is simply put: bollocks), then pick up the full game. And what a game it is.

If Killzone 2 were an explosion, it would have enough power to decimate a small African country, because that’s the lasting effect of the impression the game leaves on you. Even from load up, the introductory cinematic leaves a lasting feel for the game. A massive scale invasion on the far end of the epicnessometer with missiles exploding off in the distance, drop-ships disintegrating in front of you, comrades wailing in pain as they’re torched to a crisp and a resonating effect for justice on both sides of the conflict happening around you. Overall it gives this game a sense of purpose. It’s a theme that’s continued throughout the single player campaign and even onwards onto multiplayer, giving online matches an immense feeling of scale unfelt by other games on the market so far.

So, what is Killzone 2 about? Well to use a blunt example, the entire game can be described as follows; kid builds sandcastle, bully sees it, bully kicks it over, kid gets pissed, kid shoots bully with a pistol and that’s it. To put it into context, 400 years on from today, you play as the forgettable protagonist Sev, one of many soldiers a part of the interstellar Insolent Stereotypical A-holes (ISA). In this instance, the ISA are the kid from the previous example. Which is a fitting exemplification as the ISA are an entire army where everyone seems to constantly blabber mouth lines you’d expect to hear from kids at junior high; where “your Mom” jokes are plentiful and intelligent English is non-existent.

The bully in this case? Well what couldn’t be more evil than a Space Nazi? How about an entire civilization of Space Nazis? It seems that 400 years on from WWII, Nazis are still a problem. And so, they’ve been exiled into space to another planet made of turd with weather to match; as an attempt to get rid of them. If I were a Space Nazi, I’d be quite annoyed about that, so it comes as no surprise that all of the Space Nazis that live on turd-planet are annoyed about it too. So in the original Killzone, it makes sense that they invade the bastards that put them where they are, steal a couple of nukes and lure them back to turd-planet so that Sony can earn a quick buck for a second escapade in Killzone 2.

When playing through the single player campaign, if you can get passed the feeling of wanting to throw your controller at the screen whenever your comrades start waving their dicks out in the wind amidst a battle to discuss who did whose Mom and when, then you’re in for an enjoyable ride. But this game has got to be one of the first I’ve ever played where there’s a character, on my side, that I passionately loathe. If Rico Velásquez were a real person, (for the fact of which he isn’t real brightens my day) for all I care, he could get raped by a rhinoceros, whilst having his eyes plucked out with a pipe wrench as he is impaled by a fire-hydrant when being urinated on by his life-time hero on the same day his mother disowns him and has sex with his best friend with his girlfriend dumping him to join in, as well as his doctor telling him he has testicular cancer then later realizing he is given a cup of tea instead of a coffee upon exiting a Starbucks.

That is how much I hate him. Every time I see him I want to strangle him, which leads me onto and furthermore reinforces my dream; of how I long to be a Space Naz- I mean Helghast soldier. The Helghast (Space Nazis) have got to be one of the most recognizable, evil looking yet badass enemies of all time. I feel sorry for each one I kill, for that’s a spare magazine I could have used to desecrate Rico’s already dead body. Their look is iconic, the glowing eyes spell doom yet when you hear them scream you can’t help but cry for each of their deaths, as it is a sin against badassery. If I were a Helghast, I would call for universal peace, plant flowers on my home-world’s barren landscape and spread petals to all and start a bakery. I’d do that not just to be un-pc or be funny but because that way, no one would have a reason to kill them. Or maybe Helghan life was like that until the ISA bombed the fuck out of their home world? I guess we’ll never know.

But one thing that can be certain, is that if Killzone 2 didn’t set you up with an army of immature pillocks with a sense of humour to make hillbillies look at them like dunces, the whole single player experience wouldn’t be spoiled. But as a game on its own, Killzone 2 provides fresh, challenging sequences with enough diversity to make a 5 star restaurant menu comparable to porridge made from stale oats. From shooting your way through alley ways, raiding a palace, being bombarded whilst crossing a bridge, being dropped from a space-ship into free-fall to driving a tank, manning an anti-air turret and parading though a mechanised suit with an infinite supply of rockets, Killzone 2 does no wrong. Weapons follow suit as not only does it give you your FPS load-out standard, but it goes the extra mile to give each weapon its own purpose for a certain situation (because you can only hold one at a time anyway). There’s not one point in the game where you’ll feel as if you’ve left a gun out to try, because lord knows, who doesn’t want to fire a gun that shoots lightning? All it’s missing is the ability to fire ninja shirkens.

As a first person shooter, Guerilla has delivered one of the most refined games of the genre. But as good as it may be, refining is all Killzone 2 is good at. So if you are one who is only thrilled by innovation and completely new experiences, this game is not for you. But if you can get passed that narrow mindset that you would have to possess to look past this game, you will be rewarded with a slew of awe inspiring experiences ready to be made from load up to credits and forward onto multiplayer.

To say that the epic feeling of the single player campaign doesn’t follow through to the multiplayer component in Killzone 2 would be a lie so big, it would be like Paris Hilton saying she was innocent, or Enrique Inglasias claiming to be straight (because he isn’t). Everything about the multiplayer component in Killzone 2 screams the word epic in big capital letters. From the scale of the maps, the scale of the player count to the fully fledged rewards system that celebrates skill as well as persistence. Aspects such as this give this game immense longevity only paralleled to that of the infamous Call of Duty 4.

It is only until after being shot on numerous occasions because you’ve paused too long to breathe all of your surroundings in that you appreciate everything that makes the game what it is. Just like the campaign, the familiar stain of war is apparent everywhere in the maps you play on. And the fact that the flow of this epic battle is controlled by you and other people around the world that Killzone 2’s multiplayer creates an identity of its own to stand on its own two feet amongst other stellar titles of the same genre.

Killzone 2 is a solid shooter, no doubt about it, but the thing that constantly nagged at me like a horny woodpecker on the back of my neck throughout the entirety of the game was the large amount of potential it had to narratively motivate the player. So many thematic issues that were barely raised then forgotten about, so many opportunities to make the player care about the characters and their struggles then ditched into a fire, so many historical and societal comparisons and questions that were realized, then whisked out of sight. It was as if Guerilla were playing with the idea of producing an engaging story but didn’t have enough balls to follow it through with the final product. It’s not like it would do any harm, the game is only 7 freaking hours long. And while I could nag on an on about how load times freeze occasionally and how the electric shock that you give to your team mates to revive them looks like radioactive dental floss or a television antenna struck by lightning, I wouldn’t be going anywhere as anybody can nit-pick any game to the point where it becomes nothing more than a supermodel.

If anything of what Killzone 2 means to me, the idea that it had the potential to spit in other games’ faces with a story to make an academy award winning film cry, is enough to make me go insane. But go figure, games do it all the time. I should be used to it. It’s still a young industry with huge amounts of potential, and with the entire “epic” theme in most games nowadays going hollow way too soon, because it’s being over used again and again – especially in shooters, someone is going to have to stand out and rewrite the genre; just don’t expect it from this game. Plus the fact that Killzone 2 has one of the most suicidal inflicting minor (and major) casting roles doesn’t help the matter.

Aside from that, Killzone 2 is probably the best looking console entry at the moment, and possibly the best playing. The only thing that I’ll never get over is the fact Killzone 2 had the potential to be more than just a shooter. So in the end, it didn’t reach the final goal of getting laid, but that doesn’t mean this game is still a virgin. Well, not an innocent one at least.